I slept with this little guy last night. It made me feel comfortable because it belongs to someone I love.
In fact, I’ve never loved someone so much in my life. If something happened to Orion, I don’t think I could live.
That kind of deep love is so beautiful and yet so scary. How could such a tiny person make me feel so strongly?
The love I have for him makes everything real. It makes god real, the clouds real, pain real, happiness real. He makes life worth living.
-VC
It seems like the littlest things make me homesick. But, I guess they’re not so little after all. Familiar faces, places, & spaces are, thus, big deals to me.
-VC
It’s quite horrible to feel underappreciated.
Quite horrible, indeed.
-VC
Most days I’m confused about where I’m supposed to be and how I’m supposed to feel about everything.
And some days, I know exaclty how things are. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about them. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about them. But I know how they make me feel. And I burn inside. And I ache. And I yearn. And I hope it’s mutural.
-VC
How many people really eat like I do? And yet, I’m still obese. FML.
In photo:
Hummus, low fat turkey on whole wheat bread. Non-fat yogurt with a banana, blueberries, & granola. Veggie chips and orange juice. Yummy.
Oh wait. Now I know why I keep gaining weight:
Ha. No not really. I only have candy – especially Mexican candy – about once a YEAR.
-VC
write clearly and logically?
communicate verbally?
analyze information?
identify and solve problems?
effectively function in a global setting?
i think only time will tell.
-VC
sometimes one can get caught up in new things, people, and places. sometimes different is so good and the old and comfortable seems ordinary and mundane.
and its ok to take what you need: to interpret qualities, theories, and wisedom you learn from others into your own life. but sometimes, its so good to take note of bad qualites, therories, and unsolicated advice and make sure you NEVER incorporate them into your own life. so, while i’m learnimg so many great things, its those more disruptive elements that are both harder to find on your own and much more necessary to know.
i’m happier and happier everyday to be outside my comfort zone, although it sometimes hurts so much. i was once told that it is great to experience hard times because then you can appreciate the great times so much more. he was right.
and i know where my heart is.
-VC
I came here because of my family. It was them who made the offer, it was them who gave me the initial push. And that was all I needed.
So, I am here now, in Austin, Texas, loving it, but loving San Antonio even more.
In a week, I have learned about a different culture – even if it is just an hour away from another I have known. I’ve learned even more great things about Austin, but luckily, I’ve learned and experienced things that are equally disheartening. And that’s amazing. I can’t wait to learn something else.
I am so lucky.
And my college education, my parents, my friends, my background, life, and demeanor have better prepared me to live among so many others. For that I am truly grateful because I can stand at attention. And now I anxiously await whatever life and people throw at me.
I’ve never been so excited in my life.
-VC
I attended a lecture given by Vivyan Adair at UTSA today. Aside from being really inspirational, it was extremely educational. Dr. Adair was very informative. I mean, crazy informative. She spoke really quickly so that she could get out all the information she wanted – and needed – to give. And she had all the necessary information to persuasively and effectively make her point including: statistical information, personal anecdotes, photographs, theoretical diagrams, and the story of her own journey. All these elements, in conjunction with her own feminist perspective, really did it for me. Overall, I valued the lecture on both academic and personal levels.
The downside of attending this lecture was that it did not directly inspire me to behave as I should. In fact, I became overwhelmed when I began to think again about the problems of this country, and then i began to feel as if I’ve let myself – and all those who believe in me – down. Down, down, down. Lower than I could possibly get right now, if that’s even possible. And the subjects of Dr. Adair’s project really put woman like me to shame. Shame on me. For not pushing myself to truly succeed. Shame on me, for not being all that I could be. For finding inspiration only in the accomplishments of others, in those that I love, or in those that gave me my name and my sense of being. Shame on you, Vanessa, for not finding the motivation to believe in yourself.
Hopefully, with time, lectures like the one I attended today will not only directly inspire me to do more but will also one day reflect my own life, my own accomplishments, and make me beam, not hunch over.
I have not lost focus on what the lecture was attempting to do – to bring attention to the poverty of women in the US, the glass ceilings, the welfare policies that so badly need reform, and the benefits of higher education – but I have once again been reminded of another element of society that I must focus on. Me. Maybe a few years too late, but better late than never.
-VC
Coming Soon….Review of Missing Story of Ourselves on the Reviews page. 
This is a new term for me. Just heard it today. Its funny, its confusing, it is very much so Mexican-American.
More later/soon.
-VC
