when everything seems to make sense and everything seems to be in it’s place and I have to start all over again, when I have to re-evaulate, and when
perpectives,
places,
and people
meet up, mix up, and mess up what I’ve passively been trying not to plan but planned anyway.
-VC
a happy person. cynical, yes. bossy, that too. but happy for the most part. and many good people love me. and there’s nothing else i could want. right?
its so hard for me to live life as i should. a sense of guilt lingers. why is my bed so warm at night? why are my friends so nice? why does my head think as it should?
i live with a burden because life is not so good for many others. i feel so undeserving sometimes.
i remember a time when i was a child. my dad acted like a tiger and chased me and my sister upstairs. we pretended we were scared, but we laughed inside.
i remember my mom bought me make-up and taught me how to put it on.
i remember when my big brothers would read stories to me or buy me the new Sublime CD.
i remember when my sister and i would play store.
i remember when my maternal grandpa took us to eat ice cream, and when my maternal grandma taught me to make eggrolls from scratch. or when my paternal grandma made my hair into pigtails and my paternal grandfather told me which finger was my ring finger.
once, a teacher told me i should be a social advocate. another told me i was the one of the best students they’d ever had. and i believe that i was.
stories upon stories. memories upon memories. i have many reasons to be happy. but i’m cynical because i can think of reasons why i’m happy and many others cannot.
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
I slept with this little guy last night. It made me feel comfortable because it belongs to someone I love.
In fact, I’ve never loved someone so much in my life. If something happened to Orion, I don’t think I could live.
That kind of deep love is so beautiful and yet so scary. How could such a tiny person make me feel so strongly?
The love I have for him makes everything real. It makes god real, the clouds real, pain real, happiness real. He makes life worth living.
-VC
It seems like the littlest things make me homesick. But, I guess they’re not so little after all. Familiar faces, places, & spaces are, thus, big deals to me.
-VC
It’s quite horrible to feel underappreciated.
Quite horrible, indeed.
-VC
Most days I’m confused about where I’m supposed to be and how I’m supposed to feel about everything.
And some days, I know exaclty how things are. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about them. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about them. But I know how they make me feel. And I burn inside. And I ache. And I yearn. And I hope it’s mutural.
-VC
How many people really eat like I do? And yet, I’m still obese. FML.
In photo:
Hummus, low fat turkey on whole wheat bread. Non-fat yogurt with a banana, blueberries, & granola. Veggie chips and orange juice. Yummy.
Oh wait. Now I know why I keep gaining weight:
Ha. No not really. I only have candy – especially Mexican candy – about once a YEAR.
-VC
write clearly and logically?
communicate verbally?
analyze information?
identify and solve problems?
effectively function in a global setting?
i think only time will tell.
-VC
sometimes one can get caught up in new things, people, and places. sometimes different is so good and the old and comfortable seems ordinary and mundane.
and its ok to take what you need: to interpret qualities, theories, and wisedom you learn from others into your own life. but sometimes, its so good to take note of bad qualites, therories, and unsolicated advice and make sure you NEVER incorporate them into your own life. so, while i’m learnimg so many great things, its those more disruptive elements that are both harder to find on your own and much more necessary to know.
i’m happier and happier everyday to be outside my comfort zone, although it sometimes hurts so much. i was once told that it is great to experience hard times because then you can appreciate the great times so much more. he was right.
and i know where my heart is.
-VC
