So many ideas in my head, so little time on my hands.
-VC
Archive for Multi-Ethnic
i am
a happy person. cynical, yes. bossy, that too. but happy for the most part. and many good people love me. and there’s nothing else i could want. right?
its so hard for me to live life as i should. a sense of guilt lingers. why is my bed so warm at night? why are my friends so nice? why does my head think as it should?
i live with a burden because life is not so good for many others. i feel so undeserving sometimes.
i remember a time when i was a child. my dad acted like a tiger and chased me and my sister upstairs. we pretended we were scared, but we laughed inside.
i remember my mom bought me make-up and taught me how to put it on.
i remember when my big brothers would read stories to me or buy me the new Sublime CD.
i remember when my sister and i would play store.
i remember when my maternal grandpa took us to eat ice cream, and when my maternal grandma taught me to make eggrolls from scratch. or when my paternal grandma made my hair into pigtails and my paternal grandfather told me which finger was my ring finger.
once, a teacher told me i should be a social advocate. another told me i was the one of the best students they’d ever had. and i believe that i was.
stories upon stories. memories upon memories. i have many reasons to be happy. but i’m cynical because i can think of reasons why i’m happy and many others cannot.
-VC
familiar faces
It seems like the littlest things make me homesick. But, I guess they’re not so little after all. Familiar faces, places, & spaces are, thus, big deals to me.
-VC
long distance
I came here because of my family. It was them who made the offer, it was them who gave me the initial push. And that was all I needed.
So, I am here now, in Austin, Texas, loving it, but loving San Antonio even more.
In a week, I have learned about a different culture – even if it is just an hour away from another I have known. I’ve learned even more great things about Austin, but luckily, I’ve learned and experienced things that are equally disheartening. And that’s amazing. I can’t wait to learn something else.
I am so lucky.
And my college education, my parents, my friends, my background, life, and demeanor have better prepared me to live among so many others. For that I am truly grateful because I can stand at attention. And now I anxiously await whatever life and people throw at me.
I’ve never been so excited in my life.
-VC
the Missing Story of Ourselves
I attended a lecture given by Vivyan Adair at UTSA today. Aside from being really inspirational, it was extremely educational. Dr. Adair was very informative. I mean, crazy informative. She spoke really quickly so that she could get out all the information she wanted – and needed – to give. And she had all the necessary information to persuasively and effectively make her point including: statistical information, personal anecdotes, photographs, theoretical diagrams, and the story of her own journey. All these elements, in conjunction with her own feminist perspective, really did it for me. Overall, I valued the lecture on both academic and personal levels.
The downside of attending this lecture was that it did not directly inspire me to behave as I should. In fact, I became overwhelmed when I began to think again about the problems of this country, and then i began to feel as if I’ve let myself – and all those who believe in me – down. Down, down, down. Lower than I could possibly get right now, if that’s even possible. And the subjects of Dr. Adair’s project really put woman like me to shame. Shame on me. For not pushing myself to truly succeed. Shame on me, for not being all that I could be. For finding inspiration only in the accomplishments of others, in those that I love, or in those that gave me my name and my sense of being. Shame on you, Vanessa, for not finding the motivation to believe in yourself.
Hopefully, with time, lectures like the one I attended today will not only directly inspire me to do more but will also one day reflect my own life, my own accomplishments, and make me beam, not hunch over.
I have not lost focus on what the lecture was attempting to do – to bring attention to the poverty of women in the US, the glass ceilings, the welfare policies that so badly need reform, and the benefits of higher education – but I have once again been reminded of another element of society that I must focus on. Me. Maybe a few years too late, but better late than never.
-VC
Coming Soon….Review of Missing Story of Ourselves on the Reviews page. 
Gringolandia
This is a new term for me. Just heard it today. Its funny, its confusing, it is very much so Mexican-American.
More later/soon.
-VC
