Didn’t have the best of days but I’m trying to search out some optimism.
At one point today, I looked in the mirror without my glasses on and thought I saw a bald spot. I quickly put them back on, and no. It wasn’t a bald spot. Just bad vision. Horribly bad vision.
So, I have thick, full, volumous hair. And that’s something to be grateful for, even if it’s superficial, isn’t it?
-VC
Cronic tardiness.
The story of my life.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve had a problem with tardiness.
I’m starting to realize that I’m crazy
because I do the same things over and over and always expect different results.
And my tardiness takes over my life. It interfers with all aspects of it, and I’m sick of it!
I want to change but I don’t even know where to start.
But basically, I’d just like the world to continue being patient and forgiving because I’m trying really hard. Really.
-VC
I used to have these dreams.
The dreams of a child of parents with even bigger dreams.
I’m not as strong as I seem. I’ve let the littlest things and the littlest people stop me from sleeping soundly.
Its time for me to bring back that person that I used to like to be.
And its going to be so hard because I’ve grown used to the weaker side of me.
And its going to take so long before I’m there again.
But I’ve got to believe they’re all worth it.
I’ve got to believe that I’m worth it
And that its worthwhile.
-VC
when everything seems to make sense and everything seems to be in it’s place and I have to start all over again, when I have to re-evaulate, and when
perpectives,
places,
and people
meet up, mix up, and mess up what I’ve passively been trying not to plan but planned anyway.
boo.
-VC
a happy person. cynical, yes. bossy, that too. but happy for the most part. and many good people love me. and there’s nothing else i could want. right?
its so hard for me to live life as i should. a sense of guilt lingers. why is my bed so warm at night? why are my friends so nice? why does my head think as it should?
i live with a burden because life is not so good for many others. i feel so undeserving sometimes.
i remember a time when i was a child. my dad acted like a tiger and chased me and my sister upstairs. we pretended we were scared, but we laughed inside.
i remember my mom bought me make-up and taught me how to put it on.
i remember when my big brothers would read stories to me or buy me the new Sublime CD.
i remember when my sister and i would play store.
i remember when my maternal grandpa took us to eat ice cream, and when my maternal grandma taught me to make eggrolls from scratch. or when my paternal grandma made my hair into pigtails and my paternal grandfather told me which finger was my ring finger.
once, a teacher told me i should be a social advocate. another told me i was the one of the best students they’d ever had. and i believe that i was.
stories upon stories. memories upon memories. i have many reasons to be happy. but i’m cynical because i can think of reasons why i’m happy and many others cannot.
-VC
It’s quite horrible to feel underappreciated.
Quite horrible, indeed.
-VC
Most days I’m confused about where I’m supposed to be and how I’m supposed to feel about everything.
And some days, I know exaclty how things are. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about them. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about them. But I know how they make me feel. And I burn inside. And I ache. And I yearn. And I hope it’s mutural.
-VC
write clearly and logically?
communicate verbally?
analyze information?
identify and solve problems?
effectively function in a global setting?
i think only time will tell.
-VC
sometimes one can get caught up in new things, people, and places. sometimes different is so good and the old and comfortable seems ordinary and mundane.
and its ok to take what you need: to interpret qualities, theories, and wisedom you learn from others into your own life. but sometimes, its so good to take note of bad qualites, therories, and unsolicated advice and make sure you NEVER incorporate them into your own life. so, while i’m learnimg so many great things, its those more disruptive elements that are both harder to find on your own and much more necessary to know.
i’m happier and happier everyday to be outside my comfort zone, although it sometimes hurts so much. i was once told that it is great to experience hard times because then you can appreciate the great times so much more. he was right.
and i know where my heart is.
-VC
I came here because of my family. It was them who made the offer, it was them who gave me the initial push. And that was all I needed.
So, I am here now, in Austin, Texas, loving it, but loving San Antonio even more.
In a week, I have learned about a different culture – even if it is just an hour away from another I have known. I’ve learned even more great things about Austin, but luckily, I’ve learned and experienced things that are equally disheartening. And that’s amazing. I can’t wait to learn something else.
I am so lucky.
And my college education, my parents, my friends, my background, life, and demeanor have better prepared me to live among so many others. For that I am truly grateful because I can stand at attention. And now I anxiously await whatever life and people throw at me.
I’ve never been so excited in my life.
-VC
